Dealing with Separation Anxiety during Montessori Preschool Drop-Offs
The initial weeks of transitioning to school often involve an adjustment period, during which both students and parents may experience separation anxiety—a common and expected occurrence. This emotional response can stem from unfamiliarity with the new environment or be connected to events at home or recent experiences. Regardless of the cause, witnessing a child upset can be emotionally challenging for all parties involved. As educators, our role encompasses comforting distressed children, providing support to parents grappling with feelings of abandonment, and helping other students adapt to the situation.
It's crucial to recognize that separation anxiety is a temporary phase, a natural part of the adjustment process, and it will eventually subside. Every child requires different time frames in this adjustment process, it may take anywhere from a day or two to a few months.
To facilitate a smoother drop-off and early arrival, please consider implementing the following strategies:
Ensure a positive and prompt goodbye: Despite its apparent simplicity, bidding farewell in a positive manner can be challenging. Resist the urge to prolong the departure by giving your child "one more minute" or engaging in an additional activity. Instead, offer a hug and kiss, express love, and reassure your child of your imminent return.
Establish a consistent goodbye routine: Children thrive on routine, and creating a predictable farewell routine can enhance the success of goodbyes. This may involve a special handshake, a secret gesture, a forehead kiss, or a reassuring thumbs-up. Providing a dependable routine fosters a sense of security for the child and sets a positive tone for the day.
Trust your child's teacher: While it may be challenging initially, trusting your child's teacher is crucial. Our educators are dedicated to their profession because of their love for children, and they possess a range of effective strategies to help calm upset children. Communicate with the teacher and allow them to assist during goodbyes when you signal your readiness to leave.
Acknowledge your child's emotions: Validate your child's temporary unhappiness and recognize it as a normal and genuine feeling. Avoid pressuring them not to cry or resorting to bribes for good behavior. Helping your child cope with sadness is an essential aspect of their emotional development.
Avoid sneaking out: While it may be tempting, sneaking out can exacerbate the situation. Directly addressing the goodbye situation, even if you don't witness a potential meltdown, is essential for maintaining trust between you and your child.
Seek assistance: Sometimes, having another parent, relative, friend, or grandparent handle the drop-off can make a significant difference. Experiment with different individuals to find the best fit for your child's comfort.
Limit lingering: While it might be reassuring to observe your child through a window, lingering can be distressing for the child. Leave promptly, and if uneasy, you can call or message the teachers after 15-20 minutes to check on your child's well-being. Be assured that the teachers will try to keep you posted on your child’s adjustment as much as they are able to, but they may not be able to relay everything in real time as they will be engaged with all the children, including your child, in the classroom.
Stay calm and positive: Model appropriate behavior by remaining calm and enthusiastic during the transition. Discuss the exciting aspects of school, emphasize friendships, and express anticipation for hearing about your child's day upon pickup.
Punctuality matters: Arriving on time is crucial to avoiding additional stress for the child. Ensure a relaxed morning routine, giving your child ample time to prepare and arrive at school punctually. Timeliness during pickup is equally important to prevent added anxiety.
Foster friendships: Facilitate social connections by organizing playdates with fellow classmates. Building friendships can contribute to a smoother transition and a more comfortable experience in the new environment.
Be prepared for regression: Understand that setbacks may occur, especially after weekends or illnesses. Stick to the established strategies, and with time, you'll likely observe a significant improvement.
Navigating separation anxiety during school drop-offs requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to fostering a positive transition for both you and your child. We are here for you and your child to aid in any way we can!
Mary Choi-An, MPS, PhD
Primary Lead
Director of Discovery Christian Montessori